Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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