note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
