i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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