Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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