This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
