Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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