OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
