Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
