wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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