i can't believe i had my finger in that
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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