the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
