i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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