I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
