first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
