honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
