Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
