does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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