you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
