My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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