You're completely useless in the revolution.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
