His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
