I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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