my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
