how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
