I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
