whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
