Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
