Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That accounts for only three of the penises
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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