i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
