i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
