So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
