My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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