eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
