I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
