i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize