Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
