also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize