you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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