he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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