I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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