Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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