dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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