I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
