Barsexuality is the new black.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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