glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
