come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
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