im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
