i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
