When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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