Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
