dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
