They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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