if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
