Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
