jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
