Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
