I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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