Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
