Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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