Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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