Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize