the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
