so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
