If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
