You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
