So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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