Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
